Sunday, November 8, 2009

Relinquishing and Silencing Your Voice or Your Choice

Despite what the movies and popular culture depict, silencing your voice and letting someone else make decisions for you, are not necessarily the characteristics of what makes a woman pretty or feminine or inherently a woman. Conversely, nor are the lack of these characteristics a condemnation that a woman is unpretty or unfeminine.

Before you naysayers stand up and say, "Hold up Chicoro, tell me something I didn't know, because you're preaching to the choir. These are BLACK women to whom you are speaking, and YOU know our issues are that we are often considered too strong, too vocal and too independent."

Firstly, I would respond with the rhetorical question,"You think so?" not to elicit a reply, but to make an assertion. That assertion or positive declaration, without support or reason is, you too do it: You relinquish and silence your voice and your choice.

We do it when we accept inappropriate or unkind treatment from a partner because we want to hold on to that partner. We do it at our jobs when we even just question whether or not we should go out with our natural hair. We do it when tone down the way we would normally say something on the job because of fear we might be perceieved as too aggressive. We do it, because so many of us are in jail because we let that person doing something wrong, lay up under us, and turned our heads from their wrong doing, because we 'loved' that person. We do it, ladies, we do it.

Secondly, I would say, "Be careful." Because although what you say or think you are, which may be uncharecteristically different than what and who society deems you to be as a woman-- voiceless and choiceless -- understand one other inference of this popular cultural argument. Because you are vocal and make your own choices, society may declare that you indeed are unattractive, not pretty and unfeminine. After all, if you subscribe to and perpetuate what you say you are, strong, vocal, autonomous, aren't you by logic, saying the same thing as society? That you agree with its definition of who you are by default of silent acceptance, a decision that you have unconsciously but willingly have made? I'm just asking.

To this I say, "Be cognizant and aware of societal perceptions of who you are supposed to be, voiceless and choiceless. Be cognizant and aware of inner cultural perceptions of who you are supposed to be - vocal, autonomous and strong." Why?

Although it is my hope that you will delve deep within yourself to discover and know who you truly are and who you wish to be, it is important to know how others think and feel about you. That is because to get from point A to point B, in fulfillment of your purpose, as you walk through this journey called life, you will encounter many obstacles.

In order to circumvent those obstacles and successfully navigate your journey toward your goals, you have got to know what may lie ahead. If there is a hole in the road, you want to know about it and be aware of it. Can you personally close that hole? Probably not, but if you are aware of it, you have some forewarning or knowledge to go around it. Will it guarantee your safe passage? No, by no means. But it certainly will raise the odds in your favor.

Don't ever let somebody else define who you are, whether it be the external society at large or your own tight knit family members. Don't get caught up in who you are supposed to be and what that makes you - pretty, or what it doesn't make you- not pretty.

Just be you. Sometimes, having no voice is a choice. Sometimes being choiceless is a way of exerting and empowering your voice.

Create and live your OWN definition of what it means to be beautiful and feminine. You do that by knowing yourself and being true to yourself, not just in the area of beauty and femininity, but also let this manifest as it pertains to your integrity and your Soul.

Beautify yourselves bit by bit.


Tiffany,Ebony Intuition said...

"Create and live your OWN definition of what it means to be beautiful and feminine.

I agree with that.

Chicoro said...

Gosh Tiffany! You are FAST, lady! I just posted this seconds ago.

I am glad you like it and agree with it. My hope is that you LIVE IT - no matter how challenging it may seem.

Newness of Life said...

Interestingly enough I am sort of battling some of those obstacles right now. And somehow I feel much more prepared than when I battled them before. I am being coming more aware an concious about how others try and take my voice or my choice. I'm learning not to let that bother me as it use to. And not relinquish my own definition.

Once again, thank you for putting my thoughts into organized words. Your writing is much appreciated!

Chicoro said...

Newness of Life,
The fact that you "feel much more prepared" now than before is a tremendous victory in itself! Bravo, to you! Keep that at the forefront of your mind as you move forward toward your success.

I sure do appreciate the support and feedback. I appreciate the compliments as well, thank you.

Newness of Life said...

Chicoro, after meditating more on this I guess the feeling I have now is CONFIDENCE. I have a confidence in who I am and who I want to be that I didn't before. I think that is what makes me feel more prepared to face these type of challenges.

I also wonder why some people are so focused on creating limiting boxes to put others in. Is that the only way the can have a reference point for defining themselves? Is it easier to try to define others rather than turn the mirror to our own face? I really don't know.

I just know that shame doesn't come so easy to me anymore. And my confidence in myself grow with everything I overcome and accomplish. I feel like I am my best judge of myself. There is something so freeing to that realization.