Saturday, June 20, 2009

How to Keep Your Man, Ladies!

Ugh! I absolutely hate any discussion or topic that even infers the above erroneous assumption. Erroneous means incorrect or wrong. It is a wrong assumption because ladies, not only can you NOT keep a man who doesn't want to be with you, but this statement infers and assumes that
YOU alone are accountable and responsible for the success of the relationship.

Slim down so your man can find you sumptuous.
Learn the signs that he may not be into you.
How to cook a meal to make him fall in love with you and stay home.
Learn the tricks in bed that will keep him satisfied and out the streets.
Get the eight secrets that will keep him glued to your lips.
Discover what to say to keep him interested and committed.
Develop these communication traits to keep him faithful.

The answer to all the tricks, secrets and tips and discoveries is that there are no such answers. It is a myth.

The most nefarious or wicked thing that women have been conditioned to believe is that YOU, we women, are solely accountable and responsible for the success of the relationship with our significant other.

I'm here to tell you, it just is not true.

If you hug a hobbit daily , ride a unicorn to get from home to work or even just for leisure, and borrow a few coins everyy now and then from your neighbor the leprechaun at 2020 End of the Rainbow Way, then excuse me, 'cause I'm not talking to you.

Are you accountable and responsible for yourself in a relationship? Of course, absolutely!
So many of us take this myth, that it is our duty as women, to hold on to our man, lock stock and barrel. So when he leaves, or cheats or loses interests in you, we blame ourselves and say, "What did I do wrong? What didn't I do right?"

I'm saying, don't you believe it. People fall in and out of love all the time. When the love is gone, then it makes sense to part ways.

What I am talking about is the belief that a relationship failed because you were not enough, because it was your fault. If you have been authentically yourself, respected your partner and supported that person, been faithful and done all that you would want someone to have done and be for you, and things don't work out...Chalk it up as a part of life. It is NOT because YOU have failed. It is not because YOU are a failure.

Never forget that when two people get together, both are taking a risk. Both persons are accountable. Every body has problems, weaknesses, past hurts and unresolved issues and feelings in their lives.

If a person leaves you or disprespects you, remember, it has NOTHING to do with you. I am by no means saying that you are perfect and that you don't make mistakes. What I am saying is don't assume a relationship failed because of your lack of cooking, lovemaking, dieting or whatever skills. Never let someone tell you that either.

People come to relationships with their issues intact. Just because you say, "I do or I commit" doesn't mean those issues, and personl problems fall away magically because of love. They do not.

So, does this mean you can act a fool because whomever you are with needs to take some of your crap for a change? Absolutely not!

All I am trying to say is that in every aspect of this life you are living, you are accountable and responsible for YOURSELF - no one else. Have no expectations of your mate or any person for that matter. Choose your mate as wisely as you can, and give that person the benefit of the doubt. You can not dictate or control what someone does or what someone says. You can only control yourself.

Understand that when someone acts a fool, that it is soley their choice. It has nothing to do with you.

Improve your cooking because YOU want to learn to be a better cook. Learn to be a better listener so that YOU can be supportive, because YOU want to improve that aspect of yourself. Care for your body and your health because YOU want to look and feel good for YOU - not because you want to keep your man.

If you learn and do things only to keep your man, you are neither being real and authentic, nor are you being honest. In fact, you are operating under an ulterior motive. You are saying, "If I do this, then he SHOULD or will do this." Basically, you are doing something ONLY because you want something back. Hmm....
The word 'should' is just another word for expectation - that you have set- or have for someone else. Your expectations apply to you and you alone. That's the only person you control.

Improve yourself for you, so that you can be a better person. Become the person and the woman that you wish to be. Will you attract the mate that you dream about? I don't know and that misses the whole point entirely.

Stop worrying about how to keep your man and focus on how to keep yourself, figuratively and literally.

You are accountable and responsible for bringing a whole, healthy person to a relationship. You are accountable for being yourself and your best self. As long as you accept the mythical 'fact' that you are responsible for the success of your relationship with your significant other, you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

Life is to be enjoyed. It is not to be experienced as one disappointment after another. Exercise your control over what you can- YOURSELF! Dream of the beautiful woman you wish to become. If you stick to it, one day you are going to look up and realize that you are that woman you set out to be. So the next time you worry about how to keep your man, don't forget to throw in worrying about how to trap Big Foot and/or snap a picture of the Lochness Monster. Because worrying about any or all of it yields the same result, nothing. Focus on yourself and become all that you can: a beautiful, fabulous woman from the inside out.


His Daughter said...

very well said. thank u

♡ ♥ [m a r i . b e e]. ♡ said...

right! right!

Ebony Intuition said...


Makeup Theory said...

This is a wonderful post. And so timely for where I am in my life. Thank you for saying it so well.

LaQT said...

Well said. I was told a couple years back that if a man wants to leave nothing can make him stay, and if a man wants stay, nothing can make him leave.

Tican Belle said...

Love your view on this topic, thanks so much for posting.

simnicity said...

loved this post!!

MKix said...

This may not sound fair, because it’s not

But did you know that you can be a guy’s dream girl...

I mean, you can literally check off every box on his “perfect woman” list...

But if you mess up this one thing, he’ll drop you the second another option comes along?

My friend James Bauer discovered this missing “secret ingredient” all men are constantly searching for in a woman.

And most women have no clue it exists because guys aren’t even aware of it.

We just KNOW when it’s missing.

===> The “Secret Ingredient” to obsessive love <=====

The really cool thing is, when you know how to give a man this “secret ingredient”...

It will send a shockwave of desire for you straight to his brain and he will HAVE to have you.

In fact, when you do this... watch his face light up, almost as if he’s just been zapped.

It’s that moment when he says to himself “Where have you BEEN all my life?”

Every woman should know this. Check it out here:

====> Why men leave “perfect” women... <=====