Don't Waste Your Breath, Even If It's Only 21 Grams

There is a saying in English that references a person's passing. It is called, "Giving Up the Ghost." This saying is all over the world. Another idea that is all over the world is that when someone dies, after death, individuals consistently weigh 21 grams less than when they were alive.

As babies, we breathe deep from our diaphrams. As adults the breath seems to rise a bit higher and moves and seems to originate from our chest. When people are ill and begin to leave and release their lives, the breath moves to the throat. When the breath moves to the throat during this time, some people refer to this sound as a death rattle. Then, the breath moves to the mouth. It then ceases to travel or move.

When a person dies, the most common thing we say is that the person is no longer breathing. Others are more specific. They say that the breath has not stopped, it has just left and gone. Continuing on this same path, the breath for many, is the essence of what gives us life. Could it be this breath, that stops or maybe that leaves, is that which accounts for this 21 gram loss?

Our lives are precious. Our energy is precious. But without breath, both would cease to exist. How often have you heard it said, or even you yourself said, "Don't waste your breath!" I would like to say the same to you as well, but in a gentle whisper, free of all admonishment.

Don't waste your breath. Cherish it. Cultivate it. Retain it as long as it is with you and as long as you are gifted with it.

Never underestimate its power to console a frightened child. The power of the pace of your breath to signal to your lover the pleasure that you feel, without having to express a single word. Although your breath might only weigh a mere 21 grams, that has no bearing upon the significance or mighty role it plays in our every day life: From end to end, from cradle to grave.

So, don't waste your breath to speak negativity, unkind words or gossip. Don't waste your breath, the heaving of your chest to rail against a personal attack others may raise against you. Save your precious breath. Use the oxygen to repair and build up the world, starting with the inside of your body, through the intake of oxygen, then extend this healing out to others, for the purpose of uplifting them as well.

Save your precious breath. Afterall, oxygen is a key ingredient for radiant beauty. Use your breath, that mere 21 grams, to greatly enhance the world in which you dwell and walk, and beautify yourself and the world bit by bit.

Bravo to BBBB Reader, LaQT! Bravo!

My blog doesn't fit any of the blog rules. They are super long. I post one time a month. I have no advertisements on my site. I barely put in pictures and a whole host of other things.

I write these blog posts because I want to be the voice that REMINDS YOU, how fabulous you are. Too many of us are constantly bombarded with negativity.

Do I have it all together? Hah! Absolutely, NOT!

Just as much if not more than encouraging you to be beautiful, I try to encourage you that you have all that you need right now, to do what you need and want to do - successfully. Perfection is NOT a requirement.

On those few days when I think I am a 'sucker' for writing this blog, outside of the rules and think that I am merely just taking up space in the blogsphere, wasting your time and my time, one of you fabulous ladies steps out and reminds ME why I write these blog posts.

LaQT wrote in the comments section on a post of mine, on October 6th, that she was in the health care field but has always dreamed of being a doctor. Her concern was that pursuing her dream would be a burden on and to her family. On the other side of the coin, she wrote that in her heart she knew that she encouraged her little ones to be who they wanted to be. In the end, she wants to remain authentic and not be hypocritical or to not have regrets in her future for not pursuing her own dreams.

Then on November 21st, 2009, LaQT wrote another comment. She let us know that she is currently taking her prerequisites in preparation for: Entering a Medical Program!

Our girl LaQT is stamping down her fears and doubts, stepping out on faith, and pursuing her life long dream.

LaQT, I know that you will attain your dream and you will reach your goal. Bravo, LaQT!
Bravo, to you!

You should see how my little chest is puffed out, all proud. LaQT, YOU are the reason I write this blog. Not to define you, or tell you what to do. I write this blog to constantly remind you and everyone who reads this blog that within you, there is Inner Greatness! All you have to do is believe it, act upon it and watch your dreams come true.

When LaQT reaches the end of this leg of the journey, and attains her medical program credential, you or I may be in a situation where because of her, our life, or the life of someone we love, is saved.

Pursue your dream LaQT. I believe that dreams are divinely placed within us. Pursuing that dream and bringing it to fruition may literally help to save the life of someone else.

LaQT, thank you for the honor and privilege of being allowed to see you off, as you begin your wonderful journey.

Look back only for the briefest of moments. I'm the little one. I'm kind of in the back. The one with the tear glistening in my eye, in danger of having it drop fat and full and heavy down my cheek.

I got the proud smile, stretched from ear to ear, waving at you as you walk up the gangplank to board that ship that will carry you to places of which you have never seen and only dreamed.

And ya'll, you know she is going to look beautiful doing it, too! Beautify Bit by Bit.

Relinquishing and Silencing Your Voice or Your Choice

Despite what the movies and popular culture depict, silencing your voice and letting someone else make decisions for you, are not necessarily the characteristics of what makes a woman pretty or feminine or inherently a woman. Conversely, nor are the lack of these characteristics a condemnation that a woman is unpretty or unfeminine.

Before you naysayers stand up and say, "Hold up Chicoro, tell me something I didn't know, because you're preaching to the choir. These are BLACK women to whom you are speaking, and YOU know our issues are that we are often considered too strong, too vocal and too independent."

Firstly, I would respond with the rhetorical question,"You think so?" not to elicit a reply, but to make an assertion. That assertion or positive declaration, without support or reason is, you too do it: You relinquish and silence your voice and your choice.

We do it when we accept inappropriate or unkind treatment from a partner because we want to hold on to that partner. We do it at our jobs when we even just question whether or not we should go out with our natural hair. We do it when tone down the way we would normally say something on the job because of fear we might be perceieved as too aggressive. We do it, because so many of us are in jail because we let that person doing something wrong, lay up under us, and turned our heads from their wrong doing, because we 'loved' that person. We do it, ladies, we do it.

Secondly, I would say, "Be careful." Because although what you say or think you are, which may be uncharecteristically different than what and who society deems you to be as a woman-- voiceless and choiceless -- understand one other inference of this popular cultural argument. Because you are vocal and make your own choices, society may declare that you indeed are unattractive, not pretty and unfeminine. After all, if you subscribe to and perpetuate what you say you are, strong, vocal, autonomous, aren't you by logic, saying the same thing as society? That you agree with its definition of who you are by default of silent acceptance, a decision that you have unconsciously but willingly have made? I'm just asking.

To this I say, "Be cognizant and aware of societal perceptions of who you are supposed to be, voiceless and choiceless. Be cognizant and aware of inner cultural perceptions of who you are supposed to be - vocal, autonomous and strong." Why?

Although it is my hope that you will delve deep within yourself to discover and know who you truly are and who you wish to be, it is important to know how others think and feel about you. That is because to get from point A to point B, in fulfillment of your purpose, as you walk through this journey called life, you will encounter many obstacles.

In order to circumvent those obstacles and successfully navigate your journey toward your goals, you have got to know what may lie ahead. If there is a hole in the road, you want to know about it and be aware of it. Can you personally close that hole? Probably not, but if you are aware of it, you have some forewarning or knowledge to go around it. Will it guarantee your safe passage? No, by no means. But it certainly will raise the odds in your favor.

Don't ever let somebody else define who you are, whether it be the external society at large or your own tight knit family members. Don't get caught up in who you are supposed to be and what that makes you - pretty, or what it doesn't make you- not pretty.

Just be you. Sometimes, having no voice is a choice. Sometimes being choiceless is a way of exerting and empowering your voice.

Create and live your OWN definition of what it means to be beautiful and feminine. You do that by knowing yourself and being true to yourself, not just in the area of beauty and femininity, but also let this manifest as it pertains to your integrity and your Soul.

Beautify yourselves bit by bit.

You Just Never Know...What Can Happen

Procrastination is not just lying on the couch, watching television all day. Procrastination can also be about focusing all your energy, time and effort on a goal that you really don't want. That goal could even be worthy, difficult to achieve and valuable for someone else, but not for you. Huh?

Ever wanted to be something, or do something or have something so badly, that whenever you thought of it or saw it, your little heart ached, or your stomache quivered? How many times have you given something half the effort, or none at all, because you thought you couldn't really reach the goal you set or have what you wanted? So not wanting to set yourself up for disappointment- AGAIN - to have to feel that ache in your heart or have to hear THAT voice remind you of the reasons why you should have known you'd fail, you just put it out of your mind, and try to act like it's not important to you. What if what you wanted seemed to require that you be well connected, lucky, born with 'it', or just plain ol' not likely to happen - to you?

Well ladies, I am here to tell you, "You just never know WHAT can happen!"Want that job but you know there is just no way you can compete with the other candidates? You don't know. You just never know WHAT can happen!

Want to live in another country but have a situation that is impossible to overcome to even begin to think about moving? You don't know. You just NEVER know what can happen!

Want to have long, healthy, natural hair, but know that what you got has been broken off, over relaxed hair that has never grown past your neck and thus never will? You don't know that. You just never know what CAN happen!

Years ago I wanted to move from an analyst position to a management position. There were several 'impossibilities' at the time. First, the person who was in charge of the management group was HORRIBLE. She would actually tell people that they were stupid, in meetings in front of entire groups of people. She was extremely FAKE and the queen of backstabbing and viciousness. I had just left a company where I had worked for another terrible boss and did not want to put myself under another one, knowingly, any time soon.

Second, I worked in a group of analyst. Of the seven to ten analyst, I was the most junior and had the least amount of time at the company. So, although there were courses and classes offered to help one move from an analyst to a manager, I was tenth in line to receive one course! In addition to that, one was required to take about seven courses in order to get the credential to be deemed a manager. Coupled with all this, was the fact that all those analyst in front of me, were allowed to take no more than two courses each - per year!

I knew that I would never become a manager in this organization. But the fact of the matter was that I DIDN'T know! Because you know why, ladies? YOU never know what can happen!

I resigned myself to the fact that it just wasn't going to happen for me. Soon after a management course become available at the local city college. It offered ALL the courses from beginning to end, required to become a manager. The price for the entire four (4) month course was 1/2 the price for just one of the ten courses offered through my company. So, I approached my boss, who was over the analysts and me and asked him. I asked him would he reimburse me for the four month course if I paid for it and got a passing grade. He said yes and I completed the course successfully soon after.

One day I heard through the grapevine my company wanted to enter into the Japanese market. I figured that there were probably no opportunities for me, but I could share what I knew from my time living in Japan. So, I wrote a white paper or document about what to look for culturally when trying to enter the market and passed it to a mentor of mine.

A few weeks later, I got a call from the Senior Vice President of International Marketing. He said he had been told that I was, "sharp" by another Senior executive and wanted to talk to me. That 'other' executive had read my paper on entering the Japanese market. At the time, I neither knew or had even heard of either of these executives.

The marketing executive flew me to his office for an interview and asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to be a manager at one of the international offices. He gave it to me. You know why? Because you never know what can happen.

He paid for me to take those credentialed classes at the same time and way ahead of the other analysts. He helped double my salary and placed me in my dream position. It was a dream job. I was not well connected, was not stunningly beautiful, or had wealth. I did not engage in any immoral or inappropriate behavior. I did not mistreat others or step over and on people. Throughout, I remained myself. I never compromised my personal integrity.

It was not a fluke or never to happen again event. So I say to you, release the expectation of disappointment. Identify what you want to do, be or have. No matter how impossible something may seem, you just never know what can happen. Yes, you will have doubts, make mistakes and even risk looking the fool. But so what! Don't be that person languishing in regret for the rest of your days. I shot for the moon and hit a star. Were things perfect? Of course not! But they were worth it for me.

Be open to opportunities and events and life in general. There is so much that science cannot explain. Mountains can move. Don't YOU stop yourself before you start. Don't waste your precious focus and energy on something that you know you can achieve but don't REALLY want.

So the next time you find yourself in what appears to be an ugly duckling-situation, remember that it is possible to turn it into a swan of an opportunity. Why? Because you never know what can happen. Beautify bit by bit, one ugly duckling situation at a time. Beautiful is as beautiful does. Step on out there, you pretty beautiful things you!

Your Biggest Obstacle Is Your Greatest Gift

Are you struggling with overcoming something in your life? Something that you seem to just can't get in front of? Hold up a minute. I want to come back to this later.

When I was in Japan, I dated this young man. He was into sword making. We hopped onto his motorcycle and headed out to a rural part of Kumamoto, Japan, to the sword maker's home, his master teacher.

This young man was a sullen, troubled person and was somewhat of a social outcast. But when he got to the home of his master teacher, he just lit up. At one point, he took over the process from his teacher, who had been forging a sword, when we came in. I watched the young man become engrossed in what he was doing. He forgot that both I and the master teacher were even there.

The metal was pounded, over and over. Gray wisps of material and ash floated in the air and escaped every time the metal sword received a blow. The metal being forged glowed orange in the hot center, yellow around the outline of the orange and gray and blue around the edges. He literally pounded that sword "to be" for an hour. That thing still looked like it did when we first came into the workshop.

That's why I liken obstacles in our lives to the forging of a sword or a knife. Just like that sword is strengthened by being placed in fire and being pounded upon blow after blow, so are we. Beyond that, once you actually overcome an obstacle, you become an expert on it. You create a tool from this experience as well.

You are an expert on YOUR experience. Contrary to what a lot of credentialed people may try to tell you, your personal experience has value and a use, for other people.

Many times, it is not theoretical information or direction, the general stuff that we are told about, that makes a difference. It is someone's tangible, very personal, firsthand, esoteric and distinct experience that captures, motivates and fascinates us. It is that person's story that inspires us to catapult ourselves toward our accomplisments. It is these experiences and information that we seek.

I am struggling through some very difficult challenges today. More importantly, I have overcome some incredible challenges as well. It is the history and the fact that I have overcome those challenges that I use as leverage to help me know that I can get through the obstacles of today.


But the most incredible thing that I have seen is this. Very often, the thing that is your greatest challenge that you persist to do and overcome, is your greatest gift. It is your greatest gift to yourself because you have triumphed over it. That process that you went through to come out to the light and be successful is priceless in itself. You can now transfer that same process over to the NEXT challenging area of your life. That is called experience. Unlike yesterday's challenges, you have a history and some precedence on how to address today's and tomorrow's challenges.

That's a roadmap, a guide, a gift to yourself. Through life experience, and if you live it consciously, you have created an internal compass for yourself to help you get where you need to go - even faster the next time around.

That same roadmap that came to be, came to fruition because you have coalesced your experiences into crystal clear vision, can now be gifted to someone else in need.

So the next time you start to lament about that challenge that you feel you just can't overcome, before you spiral downward into something ugly and nonproductive, such as self loathing or even depression, bless your situation.

Know that when, not if, but when you overcome this great challenge or obstacle that you face, that you will leave with some very tangible treasures: A map of how of to overcome future challenges, the gift of this map to yourself, and this gift of knowledge that you can teach and pass on to someone else.

To strengthen and forge a sword literally requires fire, an arising from the ashes, and the pressing and compression and the shaping of pounding pressure. From all of that comes a gorgeous, magnificent knife or sword - a great tool that you can always use, in your daily lives. The same process is applicable to you.

Be the gift that keeps on giving. Persist and overcome what challenges you today. Create a roadmap for those who are lost and the discouraged of tomorrow. Let your obstacle that you have overcome, be the oasis in the desert for someone. We all know that an oasis is a life giving find for anyone lost and thirsty in the desert.

By the way, that young man gave me that knife he worked on that day. It was a gift. What beautiful gift will you be creating and giving? Thank your challenges, and get ready to wrap them up in some pretty paper and a gigantic bow. Somebody's out there with outstretched arms waiting to receive your gift in the making. Get to it! Be a beautiful gift giver. Beautify bit by bit, one gift at a time, literally and figuratively.

Pursue Your Passion: It Really Is in You to Do It!

A few years ago I was watching a documentary. The woman on the show had received an organ transplant. Shortly after, two things started to happen. The first was that she developed a craving and taste for green bell peppers. She started adding entire, whole green peppers to her meals. Prior to her transplant, not only did she not eat green bell peppers that often, she didn't really like them. Secondly, she began having dreams about being in an open field and she would be running toward a young man who would also be running toward her, both of them with arms outstretched toward one another. Once the young man would reach her, she would literally inhale him into her mouth and he would disappear.

She was not only given the gift of an organ, she was eventually gifted with the knowledge of her donor. It turns out the young man in her dream, whom she had never met or seen, was the spitting image of the man who had been her organ donor, whom she had never met or seen, either. His family told her that he loved, loved green bell peppers and ate them in absolutely everything!

Last Friday I attended an event for my company. The event was for African American women. The gentleman next to me was a friend of my co-worker with whom I was sharing the table. She told me that he had received a kidney transplant just two years ago. So of course, I recounted the above story about the woman and the green bell peppers. Then mostly joking, I asked him if he had a similar experience.

He said, "Yes".

I bugged him until he told me the details. He told me that his son asked for a motorcycle. He said that he himself hated them and told his son that he could get one - once he was on his own and moved out of the house. He said that he had no interest in them.

Therefore, his children were surprised to see him enjoying a chopper show where they were rebuilding motor cycle engines. He became conscious of what he was doing only when his kids asked him why he was watching such a show. He said he continues to seek out and watch motorcycle shows on television. He then said that although he had always been a heavy man, that his appetite was now different. He said he went to a buffet and got there at 11:00 am and didn't leave until 4:00 pm. Then, two hours later he went home and ate dinner.

It turns out that his donor was killed on a motorcylce. His donor loved and adored and lived for motorcycles and they were a big part of his life. It also turned out that his donor was a gigantic sized man and he loved to eat. He could eat anybody under the table!

So what's this got to do with pursuing your passions? Well, I have always heard that our cells, the cells of our body which make up our organs have 'memory'. That is from a metaphysical perspective. But from a medical perspective the same thing has been proven. Our DNA is what holds our genes. It is our genes that determine how we look, our physical attributes.

Why would they not, our genes, hold our talents and abilities as well? And if that is the case, why could we not say that our dreams, our hopes, our passions are really a part of us- as in they are a part of the very make-up of our basic physical unit, our cells, our DNA?

I have often heard people say, "If you have a dream in your heart, then it is meant for you to pursue it." When you think about this in terms of the two organ recipients and their experiences, this doesn't seem so nebulous, lofty or far-fetched. It sounds downright...sensible.

The next time something comes up and you find yourself excited by it, wanting to do it or experience or that you are gravitating toward it, don't question it and analyze it.

Trust. Just do it.

Try to make it happen, try to experience it. Pursue that passion. It really is in you to do it. It may be in your cells. Your cells don't forget, because the DNA inside of your cells won't let them forget. Talk about figuratively and literally being true to yourself! Perhaps what we deem as intuition, or a gut feeling, is really our physical cells trying to give us a hint about what we need to do. Perhaps our inner knowing is really 'inner cellular' (not a real phrase....I made it up) knowledge! Doesn't it make sense to 'listen' to it?

As I always say, being beautiful is about being who you are. Embrace those passions, as they may stem from your being who already knows not only what you like, but what you are capable of doing. If it's in you, and based on the aforementinoed stories, it probably is- then it IS meant for you to do it. Pursue it! The only person who may be surprised is you! The rest of you, already knows.

A Funeral is an Invitation to Death, Celebrate Life Instead

I received an invitation. It was not a funeral announcement. Those are invitations as well. I refuse those kinds of invites in certain circumstances.

Next week, I am headed out to the 80th birthday celebration of someone in my family. I will take a day off from work to attend. Not only that, I will have to fly to one city and then rent a car and drive an hour to get to the event in another city and state. I can't wait to celebrate the life of this individual! I am so excited to be able to celebrate with her and her immediate famly. I believe in celebrating people in life.

In contrast, growing up, my family around me, immediate and extended, always made it a point to attend someone's funeral. Often times, I was required to go with them to see someone in death whom I had no knowledge of in life.

When someone died, people in my family would take time off from work, buy an airplane ticket and make sure they attended that funeral. What I didn't understand was why these same people claimed that they didn't have time to go see these people before and didn't have the money to go see these people - when they were alive.

When someone died, the cash and the time were found. As an adult, I shifted my priorities and changed my way of doing things, especially as it relates to funerals.

I decided that I didn't want my first and last and only memory of someone to be after they died, lying in a coffin, having to rely upon second hand and third hand stories to learn about the recently deceased family member. It always made me feel cheated and that I had missed out. The truth of the matter was, I had missed out. I had missed out on the opportunity of getting to know another, beautiful, powerful human being who happened to be a family member.

Long ago, I vowed that I would create my OWN memories of people. If I didn't know you in life, I certainly didn't want to meet you in death. I stopped attending funerals of family that I did not know or had not had the opportunity to get to know.

At first, I got in trouble. People in my family were angered and offended by my actions. People thought me selfish, inconsiderate and immature and thoughtless.

What I do in my life, is celebrate people in their lives. When ever I can, I take a trip to a town and see who I can. I sit down, have a meal or just talk for a few minutes. I use my money to buy airplane tickets to birthday celebrations, for attending weddings, to meet new additions of the family, to comfort those who are ill or to renew a relationship with someone that I haven't seen in awhile.

I 'find' the time and the money because I make it a priority.

When I go on trips, unless it is to a foreign local, I don't get any rest. I spend my entire time going to see people and visiting homes and houses.

But this is my choice. I am not lamenting my situation. I relish in it. I don't want to know you after you are dead and gone. It leaves me feeling empty. Perhaps I am selfish.

I want to know and love people when they are alive and breathing. I save time and money in my life for the purpose of being able to use it to celebrate someone else's life. I can't go see everyone, and folks need to make the time and effort to come and see me if I can't get to them - but I don't control that. I only control me!

Do what you can to celebrate someone in life, while they are still here to embrace your beautiful face with their loving eyes. Pick up the phone and give them a call, who ever the person may be.

I still attend funerals, but I do it on my own terms, not because of some external obligation or because I should or have to do it. I attend a funeral when I believe that it is meaningful to me and for me.

Light is in the living man, or woman. I try to spend as much time as possible in the light. One way to be sure to do that is in the presence of the living. The light of the living is only magnified when it is part of a celebratory event. That's where I want to be.

Celebrate those you love in life. Don't wait to make it a priority to see someone only after their last breath has passed from their mouths, over their lips, to be gone forever and for always. It may be a hardship and take some effort, but you can do it if you really want to do it.

Cyndi Lauper says, "I want to be the one to walk in the Sun." There is no greater light and warmth than that of someone you love and care about who is alive and breathing. Go see that person and walk in the sun, literally and figuratively, while you still can.

Life is beautiful, celebrate it. When you do, you celebrate yourself and that just adds to you own personal beauty.